i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
