The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
