hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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