i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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