I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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