he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
