You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
