Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Randomize
