i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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