We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
