yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
