I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
