They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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