Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
