last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
