it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
