It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
