she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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