I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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