When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
