Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
