I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
