I think I won the penis lottery.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
