And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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