pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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