No stitches, just platelets and will power
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
