Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
