wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
