I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
