She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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