I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
