i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
