I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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