Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
