tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
