someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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