We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
