Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
