First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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