he was CRYING into my vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
