would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
