K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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