I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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