Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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