Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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