Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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