you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
