this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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