It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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