If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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