I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
